A Child

A child sits alone. No one but her cat to comfort her. Surrealist surroundings. Screams reverberating thought the only place she can call home. She closes her eyes. If only she could close her ears. The child retreats to her bedroom. She sings to herself. Struggling to regain any sense of peace she may have once known. She clings to her cat, so tight, it seems that she is trying to become one with the mass of innocent fur and flesh. The cat seems to always be at peace. Perhaps she is trying to gain some of that peace. It may help her, momentarily, be at ease. The cat begins to struggle, as her hold gets too firm. Her grip weakens and her cat jumps gracefully to the floor. She looses all sense of peace. All sense of will is lost. Pain rips apart her soul, destroying her weak heart. She breaks down in tears, in anger, in pain, in defeat, in loss, in uselessness, in grief. This child is growing up. This child thinks she’s dying. Maddened by the loss of all humanity. But this child is only growing up. She does not want this thing. She wants to remain a child forever. For she knows, if only I had that knowledge as a child. I wanted to grow up. I grew too fast. Now I wish I had died young. I wish I could resurrect the child in me. To be free of all pain, worry and anger that now surrounds me. As a child all you see is beauty. As a child you never care. As a child, I desire to be again. This child died when her childhood ended. She was reborn in to this life, in to my life. This child, she is me. Hopeless Cause! My mind's in a haze. I'm stuck in the past, reliving the days, when things were all wrong, and I was in such despair. My entire self being choked...But still grasping for air. I took kindness for granted, people proved to be cruel, I was innocently naive, and got played for a fool. It seems simple enough to forgive and forget...But I can't seem to do it, not now, not yet. It's been several years but the scars are still there. My heart has turned cold...It just doesn't seem fair that everyone else has moved on, they're all happy and free, while I'm here still coping and living half-miserably. My spirit's held back! My identity is gone! It's been taken from me, missing way too long. I miss my old self...Everyone knows this is true. Get over, it Shelley! This is the new you. So settle on in...It will be a long ride! Say goodbye to happiness...Let tears be your guide! For try as you may, you'll never get back what you had...That fun-loving girl is now eternally sad!